JACK JOHNSON - "Better Together"

This post is about a very good day, a very good afternoon. But let me tell you something first:

My family has had dogs since I was a child - and even when we didn't have them yet, our neighbour did. That dog was huge but I never feared it and he never hurt me. I could pretty much do anything to it and he would never get angry - he was a big white Afgan Hound named Marski. In part, this easy relationship with a large dog may have encouraged my dad to buy us our first dog, Finnish Hound, which he named Kiri. The next addition was Jesperi, a Finnish Spitz. Then numerous cats, I only remember the ones that were mine: so, one grey-black/striped Hessu, one completely grey and short-tailed homeless cat Miisa which we gave shelter for years, one beautiful brown-red-black-white-coloured lady Milla and finally my completely black cat Nero (the name means 'genious' in Finnish, 'black' in Italian - and she was both, haha). Nero lived in the same house & in the same yard as our third dog, Ville. Ville was a mixed dog (with German and Norwegian breeds). Someone might call him a "mud" because he was not pure but he was the best dog ever and more reliable than any human being. He died in 1998, in the respectable age of 13. After his death, I simply couldn't picture myself with a new dog - I felt I might never be able to take one again. I felt crushed and couldn't avoid crying everytime I came across his picture - and this went on for years. Ville was such a clever dog, so human, so funny, so loyal and lovable.

Now here we are, precisely ten years later and I'm finally ready to take another dog. For years and years I told myself "I would take a dog only when and if the circumstances were right" but the truth of the matter is: I've had them right about eight years & made no attempt to get one. I realized I was actually in deep denial, and - no matter how silly it may sound to you - felt that by taking another dog, I would somehow do wrong to my one and only Ville.

About a year from now I started talking about taking a dog, thinking what it would be like, what breed it could be - but I restrained myself from buying one cos in a way I felt I was planning a family and wanted to be absolutely sure I could go through it all again - not so much the raising part, the living with part - but the giving up part which always comes, sooner or later. As the months progressed, I still kept thinking how great it would be to have a dog - for company, to make life more beautiful, to make me less lonely and less self-focused - and just to see his funny face every day, receiving his love for me. I know I will never have kids so animal babies are the closest I'm gonna get. I also live alone so pretty often I'm feeling rather sad and lonely. We all know the feeling: being on your own can be fun but when it's not something you want, it is everything but. So what is a better way to "remove" this unwanted feeling - of course I realize it's not a 100% cure - of loneliness than by giving my cuddling, love, tenderness and attention to a dog. There is nothing standing in the way, I work at home, I have the time, I have the heart. So, all of you: be aware, you're in the danger zone cos there's "baby love" in the air! They say children always come first, so hear hear! Haha!

I've reserved a beautiful puppy - an adorable pug - and he is moving in with me next August. I named him Basso, cos he had the biggest wrinkle above his nose - massive and manly (see, I'm starting to brag, haha!). Basso also means 'bass' in Finnish. I have a feeling his name's gonna get more meanings with time. Basso was born three weeks ago and I saw him last Saturday for the first time. I have never seen anything so cute and small! I fell in love with him instantly. It made me feel like a little boy again, as well as a proud daddy. I felt my sensitivity pouring out as well as the protector. I couldn't believe he was mine: my puppy, my dog, my baby. My pug - no matter how stubborn he will be (haha).

I know I will have Basso about fifteen years (if God allows) and I'm comfortable with that. After having a ten year waiting period, no one can blame me for not considering it through. Animals are not playthings, they deserve a loving home, they are individuals just like us. It is my privilige to give this puppy a good home.

This blog is about life, music and memories - also the memories that are still in the making - and this is why I'm gonna play you a video I made of my pug, Basso. I hope it brings a smile to your face, like it does to mine!

Here are the lyrics to "Better Together":

There's no combination of words/ I could put on the back of a postcard/ No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart/ Our dreams, and they are made out of real things/ Like a shoebox of photographs/ With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer/ At least for most of the questions in my heart/ Like why are we here? And where do we go?/ And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy/ And sometimes life can be deceiving/ I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together

MMM, it's always better when we're together/ Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together/ Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments/ Just might find their way into my dreams tonight/ But I know that they'll be gone/ When the morning light sings
And brings new things/ But tomorrow night you see/ That they'll be gone too/
Too many things I have to do/ But if all of these dreams might find their way/ Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression, I was somewhere in-between/ With only two, just me and you
Not so many things we got to do, or places we got to be/ We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together/ MMM, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together/ Yeah, it's always better when we're together

Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm, I believe in memories/ They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up/ You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time/ And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say/ But I will still tell you one thing:

We're better together

BONEY M / MONA CARITA - "Rasputin"

Yes, it's another Boney M song. This doesn't have any really special story to go along with it, other than that it is one of those songs which played in the car while me and my family drove and camped around the country when I was a kid. It was again not the Boney M version that I got familiar with first, but instead I got to know the Finnish cover version done by Mona Carita in 1979 (below).

It's funny really when you think about it... Only much later I realized who Rasputin was and what was his "business". In case you don't know who he was, I'll tell you now: he was a Russian man, referred to as "evil monk (he was not really a monk), a profet/mystic, poor alcoholic, miracle healer as well as a lover" who had a big (oh boy you know what) and who was famous of never being up to no good. To put it nicely, he screwed over people and they loved it, haha. He was not attractive at all, so it is hard to believe he turned people on... But well, in the end he was assassined - they tried it three times and the final time they succeeded. So pretty hated man!

The song "Rasputin" refers to his alleged (not proven) affair with Russian Emperor's wife.

Here is the Finnish cover version of the song:

Here are the lyrics:

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago/ He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear/ But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher/ Full of ecstacy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher/ Women would desire

RA RA RASPUTIN/ Lover of the Russian queen/ There was a cat that really was gone
RA RA RASPUTIN/ Russia's greatest love machine/ It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar/ But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar
In all affairs of state he was the man to please/ But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeler dealer/ Though she'd heard the things he'd done
She believed he was a holy healer/ Who would heal her son

(Spoken:)
But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger/ for power became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder.

"This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies/ But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please"
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms/ Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing/ Set a trap, they're not to blame
"Come to visit us" they kept demanding/ And he really came

RA RA RASPUTIN/ Lover of the Russian queen/ They put some poison into his wine
RA RA RASPUTIN/ Russia's greatest love machine/ He drank it all and he said "I feel fine"
RA RA RASPUTIN/ Lover of the Russian queen/ They didn't quit, they wanted his head
RA RA RASPUTIN/ Russia's greatest love machine/ And so they shot him till he was dead

DINGO - "Autiotalo/The House Without A Name"

Dingo is a Finnish rock band formed around 1982. The success, however, lasted only for a couple of years and Dingo broke up in October 1986. These days they do occasional performances. I guess you could say I liked them - for about fifteen minutes, haha. They also made an English version of their hit "Autiotalo" (The House Without A Name - the video below) which I had no idea before I started to search this song this week. So that really says it all - I was never really a huge fan of this group!

But I was a temporary fan during that one summer, possibly 1984 or 1985. We had moved again - well, lost our house cos our business went down to be really frank with you. What I remember from that summer is that - despite the changed circumstances - me and my family were travelling again, camping on some cottage somewhere in Finland. And I had the album with me. I remember my father liking the music - which probably should have been a warning sign!

This band, Dingo, had the typical style of 80s band... so scarfs and punk hair and colourful clothing and the likes. The fans, which were also called "the dingos" adapted this style - especially the scarfs - and I remember I had a blue one during that one summer. I cannot even begin to tell you how funny that must have looked like! I also remember carrying this fake fur bracelet on my hand - don't know what the hell that was about! The bracelet is documented on one photograph - the scarf is not (and bless that, not all my screw ups need to be archived for later revelation).

Anyways, the original song is in Finnish (above) and the English version of the song is below. I have to say the Finnish version is better. I have no idea why the hell they added those crazy beats on the English version, because they sound absolutely ridicilous, ahhaha!

As you can see, the music you hear in this blog varies a lot - at one time you can hear a national anthem, the next you can hear a classic rock or pop song, and then you can hear a Finnish song you've never heard before. That's the point really. No matter how ridicilous some songs are, they're still songs I've either heard, digged, loved or hated. They're part of the texture of my life, for better or for worse.

NATIONAL ANTHEM OF FINLAND - "Maamme Laulu"

Yes, you read correctly! I am playing you the National Anthem of Finland and I even compiled a short video with images to go along with it. The reason for this rather unexpected piece of music is of course the same as every other track I post here - it has some special meaning to me.

First of all, I am proud of my country. What you also have to know about the Finns is that we are very connected to nature. When you ask us to describe an emotional state, we often connect calmness, tranquility, silence, relaxation - and things alike - with nature. Maybe it is the fact that Finland really is a nature lovers paradise. The country is filled with endless forrests and numerous lakes - they are everywhere you go. We also live in the very north and during winter we are literally at the mercy of our natural surroundings - meaning very high minus temperatures during winter, lots of snow and the likes (though this past winter was totally different due to the changing weather patterns). When summer comes, the Finns go a bit nuts. The summer season is rather short compared to many other countries so we always try to make the best of it. When the sun comes out and the nature starts to bloom, it is as if our spirit blooms as well. Finnish nature is raw, pure, simple and natural. Free of pretense. Just like the Finns. We are known for our resilience.

But this is only one reason of why I am playing our national anthem to you. The second reason is the following: when I was a young kid, we had to select two songs to sing to our music teacher at the end of semester. How we performed these songs would determine (partially) the number we would get for our certificate. So, one year I selected these two songs... First one was - yes you guessed it - our national anthem. I also selected another song, which I do not remember anymore.

I sang them pretty well at home when rehearsing with my mother - needless to say she tried to make me change them into something easier, more suitable for a child's range, but I would not hear of it! Well, my ambition kicked me in the butt and I failed miserably. I was so embarrassed and angry. I screwed them both up royally. And what made it even worse was that that particular year they recorded our singing on tape. So even today there is a tape where I sing these songs like shit! I truly hope the tape has been destroyed - though it would probably be hilarious to hear it again! So... this was the story behind this song... Enjoy the Finnish national anthem sung by a male choir, accompanied by nature images from Finland.

Lyrics in English:

Our land, our land, our fatherland,
Sound loud, O name of worth!
No mount that meets the heaven's band.
No hidden vale, no wavewashed strand.
Is loved, as is our native North. Our own forefathers' earth.

Thy blossom, in the bud laid low,
Yet ripened shall upspring.
See! From our love once more shall grow
Thy light, thy joy, thy hope, thy glow!
And clearer yet one day shall ring The song our land shall sing.

CHER - "Dark Lady"

Cher released "Dark Lady" in the beginning of the 70s. I was only later exposed to this original version, because the year I was born a Finnish female singer Lea Laven made a cover version of "Dark Lady" in my native language. It became a huge hit, a classic - and it was titled "Tumma Nainen".

I can still hear my mom singing this song. What you have to know about my mom - and me as too - is that we are (to this day) pretty much unable to shut up while listening to music we know lyrics to. We always sing along, we can't help it, ask anybody! So... Believe me, I heard this in stereo throughout the first years of my life.

The original by Cher was of course an international hit (which I present here) and the Finnish cover version - released in 1974 - was a national hit in Finland. A lot of covers were released back in those days. Singers were just growing to become songwriters - it was not like today when most music acts write or take part in making the music too. Back then, singers only sang.

I hope you enjoy the glamour and "fatal" attraction of "Dark Lady" by Cher.

Here are the lyrics:

The fortune queen of New Orleans/ Was brushing her cat in her black limousine
On the backseat were scratches from/ The marks of men her fortune she had won
Couldn't see through the tinted glass/ She said "Home James" and he hit the gas
I Followed her to some darkened room/ She took my money, she said "I'll be with you soon"

Dark Lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one/ Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark Lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve/ She told me more about me than I knew myself

She dealt two cards, a queen and a three/ And mumbled some words that were so strange to me
Then she turned up a two-eyed jack/ My eyes saw red but the card still stayed black
She said the man you love is secretly true/ To someone else who is very close to you
My advice is that you leave this place/ Never come back and forget you ever saw my face

Dark Lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one/ Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark Lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve/ She told me more about me than I knew myself

So I ran home and crawled in my bed/ I couldn't sleep because of all the things she said
Then I remembered her strange perfume/ And how I smelled it was in my own room!
So I sneaked back and caught her with my man/ Laughing and kissing till they saw the gun in my hand
The next thing I knew they were dead on the floor/ Dark Lady would never turn a card up anymore

Dark Lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one/ Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark Lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve/ She told me more about me than I knew myself

MARCO HIETALA - "Varpunen Jouluaamuna"

We go from one extreme to the other now!

This is actually a Finnish Christmas song. It has made me cry without exceptions because of it's touching lyrics. My mom has told me this has been the case since I was a small child - every Christmas when this song would come in the radio, I would start to weep. My father used to cry every time too, so I guess we could say there was some kind of emotional bond between him and me and the way we reacted to this song.

This song - despite of being quite sad (as well as hopeful) - is one of my favorite Christmas songs of all time. I don't care if I cry every time I hear it. Without it, Christmas does not come. And the tears are something purifying each time, reminding me - not only about the kindness we should show each other (and not just during holidays) as well as the true message of Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ.

The version I am adding here is a "new" rock version. If you wish to hear other versions of it, search on You Tube and you will find few. I decided to select this one here because it is different and interesting. The song works surprisingly well as a rock song!

Here are the English lyrics to "Varpunen Jouluaamuna/A Sparrow On Christmas Morning":

The snow has already covered the flowers in the valley, the wave of the lake frozen in the winter cold.
A little sparrow, eaten it's summer food, the wave of the lake frozen in the winter cold.

On the stairs of a little cottage was a dear girl: come, sparrow, happily, take a seed from me!
It is Christmas, my poor homeless sparrow, come here happily, take a seed from me!

To the girl now happily flew the dear sparrow: thankfully a seed I will take from you.
God will want to reward you one day. Thankfully a seed I will take from you!

I am not, my child, a bird from this land, I am your little brother, I came from heaven.
The little seed, that you gave to the poor, got your little brother from the land of angels.

BONEY M - "Sunny" & "Kalimba de Luna"

Just to brighten things up, I will add something a bit more happier now! I did not really listen to Boney M when I was young. I think they were a hit for my aunts and uncles while I was playing outside and doing whatever. And when I say "doing whatever", I reaaaally mean it.

I've always been contradictory, even in my childhood. So while there has always been this calm thinker and the one that obeys the rules, there has also been this wild "i do what i want, i don't give a shit" rebel. I think most of the people would describe me as "silent", even "withdrawing". But I guess it was just a disguise cos I could also be the complete opposite. I used to get in trouble and even encourage other children to do crazy stunts with me. Like - for instance - emptying neighbour's playhouse from all things into our backyard with my cousine. The mother of girl next door wasn't too pleased when she realized that one! But, oh well - me and my cousine had a nice time playing that evening, ahahaha! My mom of course was terrified and ashamed when she found out and we had to go and return everything. The neighbour turned red while screaming to my mother that "your son is crazy!". Ok, I admit it - it was not exactly proper behaviour but I was a small kid, didn't even go to school yet. How the hell should I have known I could not take them?! I did learn my lesson that day and didn't empty the playhouse anymore... But I did pull a bunch of carrots off the ground with another friend at another neighbour's house! Haha. Such a monster, wasn't I? And again, I was the one who got my friend to join "the fun". Well, that fun did not last very long. We got punished for it. I had to call and apologize the mister and at the same time when I was crying and saying sorry, my father was laughing his head off around the corner... Simply because he had done the exact same thing when he was a kid. So I guess it runs in the family then, I am not to blame! I could go on telling you about the things I've done, but I think I'll save some for later time...

So, back to the songs I'm posting - while I was outside doing whatever, my aunts and uncles were listening to Boney M and the likes. I didn't discover Boney M until late 1980s, just about half a decade later. I enjoyed their energetic dance music with a touch of Caribbean joy. "Sunny" was one of the songs I liked the most (among others) and "Kalimba de Luna" (which I'll add here as well) has more of that ethnic sound. Both songs are bouncy and upbeat. Hope they brighten up your day!

Here are the lyrics for "Sunny":

Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain/ Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here/ My sunny one shines so sincere.
Sunny one so true, I love you.

Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet/ Sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
You gave to me your all and all/ Now I feel ten feet tall/ Sunny one so true, I love you.

Sunny, thank you for the truth you let me see/ Sunny, thank you for the facts from a to c.
My life was torn like a windblown sand/ And the rock was formed when you held my hand.
Sunny one so true, I love you.

Sunny, thank you for the smile upon your face/ Sunny, thank you for the gleam that shows its grace.
Youre my spark of natures fire/ Youre my sweet complete desire/ Sunny one so true, I love you.

Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain/ Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here/ My sunny one shines so sincere.
Sunny one so true, I love you.

I love you/ I love you/ I love you/ I love you/ I love you/ I love you


And here is the video and the lyrics to "Kalimba de Luna":



In the land of the sunshine/ People know how to groove/ Making emotions/ Believin' in what they do
Kalimba De Luna/ Take me tonight/ Show me the way/ To get right on time

E.O.U.A. - on the rhythm/ Gente li ta los
E.O.U.A. - on the rhythm/ Gente li ta los
Na na na na na na...
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna

Kalimba de sol/ Please talk to me/ Lying is my life/ Believin' in what you say
Hey he he he heeeeeeey oooh oh oh

E.O.U.A. - on the rhythm/ Gente li ta los
E.O.U.A.
Na na na na na na...
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna
Ooooooooooh oh oh oh

Donga donga tenge popopopopopop...
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
Na na na na na na...
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna
Kalimba De Luna/ Kalimba De Luna...

LAURA BRANIGAN - "Self Control"

The first real pop song I fell in love with. I remember being with my father at a gas station, flipping through cassettes and coming across this compilation which had songs from various international singers/groups. I did not ask my father to buy it, I demanded it.

One thing you must know about me is that I don't usually get shy when expressing my opinions. If I love and want something, I can't hide it - you will feel my excitement in the air. At the same time, if I dislike something I express it with straight-forward contempt and believe me, you can feel the air freeze when I hit that zone. Though it might be nothing to be proud of... I can shut you up with one sentence - and oh well, if that does not work, I can shout you down... Haha. Whatever you want.

That day at the gas station was one of those moments when I go "I'm not leaving this place unless I get this". The cassette was pretty cheap, so my father agreed and didn't fight me much. I think he might have also been pleased to see me take interest in music - this became the first cassette I owned.

The next thing I remember is that when I was young, we had these music classes (from time to time) when every student brough a song to schoool. Then we listened to all of them, gave our points and at the end of the class a winner was announced. It was not a contest and the person who brought the winning song didn't win anything: it was more about listening different types of music and presenting our opinion on what we liked best and what we didn't like.

I remember taking "Self Control" by Laura Branigan to one of these music classes. Everyone else brought something rather common, easy and mostly songs in Finnish. My song was something modern, foreign pop/rock. I guess you could say that in a way I presented this new world of music to my fellow students. Laura Branigan's "Self Control" won overwhelmingly that day and I remember being very proud of that.

"Self Control" is rather an interesting choice if you think about it. I must have been around 7-10 years old at this point. It is a passionate song for someone so young - not just through lyrical content but also through its melody line. I think the song also has that particular drama aspect which I've always been drawn to - the contradictions.

Here are the lyrics to "Self Control":

Oh, the night is my world/ City light painted girl
In the day nothing matters/ It's the night time that flatters
In the night, no control/ Through the wall something's breaking
Wearing white as you're walkin'/ Down the street of my soul

You take my self, you take my self control/ You got me livin' only for the night
Before the morning comes, the story's told/ You take my self, you take my self control

Another night, another day goes by/ I never stop myself to wonder why
You make me to forget to play my role/ You take my self, you take my self control

I, I live among the creatures of the night/ I haven't got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow, so I guess I'll just believe it/ That tomorrow never comes
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of my dream/ I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe it/ That this night will never go
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh)

Oh, the night is my world/ City light painted girl
In the day nothing matters/ It's the night time that flatters

You take my self, you take my self control/ You got me livin' only for the night
Before the morning comes, the story's told/ You take my self, you take my self control

I, I live among the creatures of the night/ I haven't got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow, so I guess I'll just believe it/ That tomorrow never knows
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of a dream/ I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe it/ That this night will never go

(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh)
You take my self, you take my self control/ You take my self, you take my self control
You take my self, you take my self control...

BARBRA STREISAND - "Memories"

This is the second English song of my life. Of course I was exposed to many songs sung in my native language, Finnish, before and co-sidedly with the English ones. I will publish some of those a bit later. I selected "Memories" by Barbra Streisand as my second post, because there is a rather funny story that goes along with it... as well as sadder one.

I was probably something like 7 or 8 years old (just started school so on my first or second grade). I used to bicycle my way to school each morning, my school was located about one kilometer away from my home. I often sang when I was on my way to school. Love for music and singing is something I inherited from my mother. You also have to remember that I lived in the country side, so there was just the woods and the fields around me. I could sing my heart out without worrying someone might hear me.

I did not know a word of English at this time. In Finland the first foreign language hits the educational program on the 3rd grade. So what I did was, I sang "Memories" in my very own way. I did not hum - or maybe I did partially - cannot really remember that well. But what I do remember, is me singing the song with my own strange language. Because I did not know the right lyrics, I made them up. I think I was trying to imitate the original lyrics but what mostly came out was nothing like it. All I knew was that I loved the bittersweet melody, wanted to sing it, didn't know the words, so ended up inventing a language of my own. It must have looked and sounded rather hilarious, haha! It's a pity I do not remember my "special language" anymore - though I have a feeling that it wasn't very organized, I think I made up different words each time so my linguistic interpretation was forever changing, hahaha!

I loved "Memories". Once again it is a very dramatic song, sort of melancholic and gloomy - and again there is that moment when the song sort of bursts to life and all the sadness is brushed aside. The new dawn wipes all the darkness and loneliness away and gives a sense of hope.

From early on, life's fragility was exposed to me. There was lots of dramatic events which still effect my approach to things. First of all, I lost my Grandmother Tyyne who was very dear to me, when I was only 5 years old. My first years were blessed and shadowed by change - my family moved a lot. I had to adapt quickly to new circumstances. Soon after my Grandmother died, I was diagnosed with epilepsy which added another segment of drama in my life. Three years later, a car drove over me. So, lots of sudden changes that brought a revolution after revolution into my life. I think it left a scar in me even if it also added depth to my being, because I started to understand that things like certainty didn't really exist, that it was all just an illusion.

I became reluctant to trust in people and I started to question everything. I became aware that all or part of something which I held dear could be taken away from me - they could die/disappear/leave me - any minute, any day without me having any control over it. I think, therefore I was also capable of identifying and connecting with dramatic musical pieces (as well as write mature poetry) at a very young age. I was exposed to life's hardships and it moulded my character profoundly. Of course I did not understand it at the time, it all happened unconsciously. But now - at the age of 33 - I can see how all those things paved a way for my personal growth and stregth, as well as all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I was exposed to the duality of life: joy and sorrow are different sides of the same "coin".

Here are the lyrics to "Memories":

Midnight/ Not a sound from the pavement/ Has the moon lost her memory/ She is smiling alone
In the lamplight/ The withered leaves collect at my feet/ And the wind begins to moan
Memory, all alone in the moonlight/ I can dream of the old days/ Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was/ Let the memory live again

Every street lamp seems to beat/ A fatalistic warning/ Someone mutters and the street lamp sputters/ Soon it will be morning

Daylight/ I must wait for the sunrise/ I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes/ Tonight will be a memory too/ And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days/ The stale court smell of morning/ A street lamp dies
Another night is over/ Another day is dawning

Touch me/ It is so easy to leave me/ All alone with the memory/ Of my days in the sun
If you'll touch me/ You'll understand what happiness is/ Look, a new day has begun...

ABBA - "Chiquitita"

I was born in 1974. During the first decade of my life, we were always camping and touring the country, sometimes driving to Norway as well. We had particular cassettes for these camping trips (cds were not invented yet, haha) and they kept rolling in the player. As the music went on and my mom sang along, the time flew by as fast as the sceneries changed.

One of those cassettes was Abba's "Voulez Vous" album. Abba - if someone does not know - is a Swedish group which has created excellent, timeless music during their reign on the charts. I especially remember their song "Chiquitita". It is not a happy song, it is rather melancholic. But it moved me, I remember there was this "broken wholeness" about it - and it grows dramatically towards the end. The extremes have always intrigued me and in a way, they all connect within my contradictory personality: I am temperamental and hard, yet deep & analytical and soft at the same time - positive and negative - which is what this song is really about. "Chiquitita" is still one of my favorite Abba songs.

This is the first song/band I remember from my childhood and therefore it is only appropriate to begin with it. I saw the video for it only last year and it is silly to say the least, it made me smile. But when "Chiquitita" is playing, I can still feel it in my spine. There is something very touching and sad yet hopeful about it.

Here are the lyrics:

Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong/ You’re enchained by your own sorrow/ In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this/ There is no way you can deny it/ I can see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth/ I’m a shoulder you can cry on/ Your best friend, I’m the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself/ Now I see you’ve broken a feather/ I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know/ How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving
You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end/ You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry/ But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before/ Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before/ Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down/ And your love’s a blown out candle/ All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth/ There is no way you can deny it/ I see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know/ How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they’re leaving
You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end/ You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry/ But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before/ Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before/ Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before/ Sing a new song, chiquitita