ABBA - "Mamma Mia"

Oh I don't have a story to go with this one - this is here purely for fun! I love Abba. The new movie, also called "Mamma Mia" is out now and I think I wanna see it. They are saying good things about it.

On another note, Abba has sold about 400 million albums worldwide and they are the best-selling group of all time after Beatles. Suck on that, Madonna! You only got about 200 million albums to sell! That must just eat you up - even though you did beat Elvis. But oh well there's also another problem you seem to be facing and the problem's name is Mariah Carey. I mean, that scary bitch is in tie with ya when it comes to the amount of #1's - and dammit, she's like... what... only 37? My goodness, she's gonna pass ya, she's gonna leave you standing in a cloud of dust! That little bird with a big voice? My oh my! But well... Hip and hurray to that! Now let's dance to Abba and wave our hands... "from left to the right, from left to the right"... Ahahaha! =)

I dedicate this song to my idol since the 80s until 2008 when our "affair of the heart" finally fell to pieces - Madonna. I have decided to close this book and crave no more of your sour sweetness. Part of the joy of adoring you will remain in my memories - even if I now know the person I admired never really existed. You got under my skin & turned out to be like venomous poison - it's way too late for the antidrug or to get rid of all the side effects - you've already done your damage. But, I'm having my FHS meetings regularly (FHS = Face Her Shit).

Lyrics to "Mamma Mia":

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when/ So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn? / I don't know how but I suddenly lose control/ There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring/ One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again / My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again? / My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted/ Blue since the day we parted/ Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know/ My my, I could never let you go

I've been angry and sad about the things that you do/ I can't count all the times that I've told you were through
And when you go, when you slam the door/ I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that Im not that strong
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring/ One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again/ My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?/ My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted/ Blue since the day we parted/ Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say/ Bye bye, leave me now or never
Mamma mia, it's a game we play/ Bye bye doesn't mean forever
Mamma mia, here I go again/ My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?/ My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, Ive been brokenhearted/ Blue since the day we parted/ Why, why did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know/ My my, I could never let you go

JANITA - "I Miss You"

Today there is a story attached to the video but it doesn't belong to me. I want to share something with you. I admire this performer, respect her for her talent and dignity and wish her well. And that is why I wish to present her to you.

The artist I am talking about is Janita. To give you some back-up information, Janita was born in Helsinki, Finland (1978). She started her career as a teenager and had several national hits under her belt in no time. She has recorded four albums in Finnish and they are (in order) Oma planeetta (1992), Sävyjä (1994), Tunteita (2001) sekä Kokoelma (2005).

Janita's "taking on the world" started well in the late 90s. She signed a deal with a record label giant Sony in the United States. She was to record - and she did record one album "Janita" - under the same category than the likes of Mariah Carey - so she was ranked very high. But then misfortune followed: due to changes within the record label (owner changed or something similar) she was suddenly dropped out because the new chiefs did not believe in her.

Janita did not return to Finland nor hide in a cave or leave the business though. She stayed in New York, kept writing and producing music and pursuing her dreams. She still hasn't made it really big though she is making it well in comparison to many of the likes - she is at least living with her music, which in the end should be the most important thing. At the moment she is recording her next album.

I think what has caused her slow entry to stardom are the values of today. She has all the potential in the world to become a great star but as we all know, the radio and the television is full of commercial hip hop these days - to the point of boredom. I know there are those who dig that and that's fine with me. But it is an inevitable fact that we've lost a lot of that soul which makes music personal, earth shattering, meaningful and heart warming. That, my friends, we do not hear so much these days! Today it's all about the bling, the perfect abs, the hips, the cars, the fashion - and we must not forget 'shaking this and hitting that'. Lyrics have gotten nastier and nastier, more degrading (not just towards women or towards men but towards the human race as a whole). What used to touch people's hearts is now touching something all together different, if it's touching anything at all. Music has become like a cheeseburger in the fast food diner, it is there just for the one greasy ride and then we move to the next one. A lot of empty satisfaction that doesn't make us feel good in the long run. So, from my perspective the music of today is pretty much pointless noise - and less silence and thought.

Janita represents silence, thought and soulfulness. She is a smooth jazz/r&b/soul singer. Yes, she is white too and that darlings is also part of the package of why she has not made it big. Yes, the colour of skin - at this day of age! It's ridicilous and repulsive at the same time.

Janita has a beautiful voice and it should be heard by everyone! It is a real shame she is not known worldwide. Maybe she was born in the wrong decade - or maybe she was born in just the right time to give this rotten, careless world an ounce of hope and soul it needs to breath? We need more artists like her. Many more.

Janita has released four English albums so far (in addition to the Finnish ones). In the order of appearance they are: "Believer", "Janita", "I'll Be Fine" (a English version of "Tunteita" album). Her newest album was released in the United States and Japan in 2006 and it's called "Seasons of Life". This became a sales speech, did it? Well, anyways... To learn more about Janita and to buy her album, please visit: http://www.janita.com/

Here are the lyrics to "I Miss You":

I’ve been wondering how you’ve been / It's been too long since I last heard you voice
Has your life changed? / Do you still look the same?
I miss you / So many things I didn’t tell you / So many things you should have known
If you ask me why I kept it in / I swear I don’t know / I don’t know / Now I miss you

I regret some things I do / But I would never regret loving you / I believe that some things aren’t meant to be
I miss you / So many things I didn’t tell you / So many things you should have known
If you ask me why I kept it in / I swear I don’t know / I don’t know / Now I miss you
I miss you

I still think of you each day / Though it may seem like I run away / What to tell you / I couldn’t face the truth / And now I miss you / Ohh…

So many things I didn’t tell you / So many things you should have known
If you ask me why I kept it in / I swear I don’t know / Not a day passes by without you on my mind / So now you know / I miss you

So now you know

Here's some flashbacks! Some past performances by Janita (songs from her Finnish albums "Oma planeetta" and "Sävyjä"):



Janita, performing "Maistan Maailmaa" (I'm gonna taste the world) in 1994, when she was a rough diamond. At the time of this performance she was only 14 years old.



Performing "Enkeli" (Angel). If her dancing wasn't so flowing in 1994, one year later her hips moved to a different tune.

HEART - "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You"

This song is the perfect example of a tender, passionate, contradictory rock song of my choice. I did get at the time of it's release what the lyrics were about - and I found the ending to be very dramatic and touching (yes, definitely my genre again).

Ever since I discovered the band, I have loved the lead singer's voice - absolutely adored it. She has that raspy sound but then again she can go to that crystal clear area, way up and make my skin go to goosebumps. She - and those who do the same - get my immediate respect. Not all singers get that reaction from me.

When I was younger I enjoyed singing this song a lot - even though the lyrics really do not fit into the mouth of a young boy, haha.. and not least because it is a song for a woman! But I love this song - everything about it. It's a major classic, just like Heart's another hit "Alone". Respect.

Here are the lyrics to "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You":

It was a rainy night/ When he came into sight/ Standing by the road/ No umbrella, no coat.
So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride/ He accepted with a smile, so we drove for a while.
I didnt ask him his name/ This lonely boy in the rain/ Fate, tell me its right, ss this love at first sight?
Please dont make it wrong/ Just stay for the night.

All I wanna do is make love to you/ Say you will/ You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you/ I've got lovin arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel/ It was a place I knew well/ We made magic that night/ Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me/ So many times, easily/ And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note

I told him/ I am the flower you are the seed/ We walked in the garden/ We planted a tree
Dont try to find me, please dont you dare/ Just live in my memory, you'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you/ One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you/ I've got lovin arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love/ Love like strangers/ All night long/ We made love

Then it happened one day/ We came round the same way/ You can imagine his surprise/ When he saw his own eyes
I said please, please understand/ I'm in love with another man/ And what he couldn't give me/ Was the one little thing that you can

All I wanna do is make love to you/ One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you/ Say you will, you want me too
All night long/ All night long/ All night long/ All night long

YAZZ - "Stand Up For Your Love Rights"

Now we go to 1988. I never owned an album by Yazz but I loved some of her tracks, especially "Stand Up For Your Love Rights" and "The Only Way Is Up". Hearing this song after all these years/decades was fun! I still love the beats and the groove of this song. I also love the melody as well as the lyrical content.

The funny part of the story comes now... Everyone who was around in the 80s knows that torn clothing - especially jeans - were the "in" thing. I remember personally re-modelling my trousers and shirts one night. I could say I was being creative but maybe the right word would be I was being nuts! Hahaha! The design was far from brilliant! Anyways, this particular night took place during one Friday or Saturday - can't remember which - and my parents had gone away for the weekend so I was alone. I was watching some VHS-tape where I had taped my favorite music. Yup, I lived back when VHS was a big thing! I guess somewhere along the line I decided to do some amateur fixing in the name fashion. At the end of this creative outburst, I had (at least) a pair of ruined pants and two hideous t-shirts that I could never wear in public. Hahaha... Let's just say the makeover was not the least bit successful. But the whole thing worked as great entertainment even if the ending was disappointing. I even remember dancing around in those crazy pants, pretending to be a big big star! I wanted to be a singer at the time. Oh dear, I am making such a fool of myself, haha! Well... frankly I don't give a damn! One has to have a sense of humour when going through life. The capability to laugh at oneself is one of the most important things to overcome many things - including traumatic childhood memories, haha!

There's another personal connection to this song as well. In a way I can go as far as saying this song is a part of my sexual identity. It came out around the time I was beginning to discover being gay and since it was a declaration about standing up for ones love rights, it hold in the ideals I felt to be true at the time. It made me feel proud of loving, no matter if it was a different way of loving. I did not come out of the closet for a long time but this song (in part only of course) strengthen my self-esteem and helped me to accept my sexual identity. I never really fought against being gay. During the time when I was a bit confused and had not realized why I didn't feel attracted to girls, I tried to be a straight of course - but I never battled with my sexuality nor felt that I was somehow flawed because I was different. It was easy to accept myself in the end. I was me, the way I was meant to be, nothing more, end of story.

This song also expressed other thoughts I had about life - and even today I can still agree with the lyrics entirely. As I may have mentioned earlier, lyrics have always been important to me. I have to say they are getting more important the older I get. It's been more than intriguing for me to do this blog and look back at the songs of my life. More than anything, I've noticed how my personal philophies, ideas, beliefs, identity and my whole character keeps reflecting from the songs I've listened to, the songs that I've felt close to. They really do tell my story in many ways and it makes this journey even more interesting for me - hopefully also for you.

Here are the lyrics to "Stand Up For Your Love Rights":

Stand up for your love rights/ Stand up for your love rights
Do it, do it, do it, do it

Now don't be afraid/ Don't let things stand in your way
Now you've reached a time in your life/ When you just can't take no more
Are you ready to leave/ 'Cos you can no longer breathe
You can't hide or disguise/ What it is that you want to change

Don't hold back/ Make up your mind/ Don't hold back
Stand up for your love rights/ And don't you feel ashamed
Stand up for your love rights/ Do it, do it, do it, do it

Now don't take what you don't want/ Just take what you need
It's your right, don't be frightened to fight it/ Take your time to choose
Yeah, when you're ready to leave/ Make up your mind and believe
Don't you run from the truth/ It's no use, 'cos it's all you'll need

Don't hold back/ Make up your mind/ Don't hold back
Stand up for your love rights/ And don't you feel ashamed
Stand up for your love rights/ Do it, do it, do it, do it

Stand up for your love rights and enjoy it
Stand up for your love rights

ANNIE LENNOX - "Legend In My Livingroom"

I've always loved Annie Lennox, but especially during her first solo album "Diva". I remember knowing every word of this album and singing it relentlessly for months and months (a late "sorry" to all the roomates and neighbours, I must have been a pain in the ass, haha) - and it has worked as my getaway at later times too. The songs on this album are just so sublime, so brilliant. In many cases, they are very simple but they are so emotional, so perfect that my mind and heart is at ease. I've been deeply touched by them. Annie's soulful voice is always a thrill to listen to, she is such a great talent and many more artists should have the integrity she has had throughout her entire career. I respect her tremendeously.

I've chosen to play a song which I've had fun with and which also tells (sort of) the story of my life. I too moved away to study when I was younger (younger than seventeen - referring to the first line of the song) and in my life I have seen both sides of the coin. The reality of having and living off of dreams was (and still is) a reality for me, many people in my life have turned out to be different from what they represented to be, I've felt betrayed by them - and being "different" (in terms of having the soul and aspirations of an artist, as well as being gay) has never been easy either. Those things are never easy to any artist but they are things that are true and which you feel you need to follow no matter what. And then finally, I too have woken up in places and realized that some of my dreams never came true or they weren't worth dreaming about. I am no stranger to bitterness either, I have felt extremely bitter about ten years ago when all the feelings of my father's suicide - as well as the things he did when alive - were the strongest. So in all levels, I have and always will feel closeness with this song.

The line "legend in my livingroom" is something can identify with - as I will always be the legend in my livingroom, haha! I do not mean that in a pompous way, it's just the truth. This is true because: no one can ever take my unique being away. And I consider myself a legend just by surviving life this far - many people with my experiences would have destroyed themselves along time ago. I'm still standing even if I fall flat on my face from time to time. It doesn't matter. I think we all do that, some just don't openly admit it. They try to be perfect. Silly people. Perfect is an illusion that never existed. So, as long as I have been here I haven't failed to get up; despite the fragility I'll forever possess, I'm a fighter and I will not give in. I'm a one tough bitch even if I have my weaknesses. Just watch me.

Here are the lyrics to "Legend In My Livingroom":

When I was just seventeen i ran away from home/ To be with all the pretty people/ To be on my own
Bright lights and trains and bedsit stains/ And pavements paved with gold/ And I believed in everything that everybody told me

Have mercy/ Have mercy on me

I found myself in a lonely place with a suitcase full of dreams/ And I soon grew up to realise what living in the doghouse means
But everyday I told myself good things would happen soon/ 'cause I knew that I was going to be a legend in my living room

Have mercy/ Have mercy on me
(welcome to this perfect world)

Now everyday on a dead end street is where I spend my time/ The dust has been collecting on the corners of my mind
But I've shed my tears in bitter drops until the thorn trees bloomed/ To take the spiky fruit to crown myself the queen of doom

Have mercy/ Have mercy on me

MADONNA - "You Must Love Me"

A touching song by Andrew Lloyd-Webber and Tim Rice, performed by Madonna. I can identify with the song, absolutely and entirely. I feel this way every other day. There is a deep need in me to be loved - endless thirst for love. Not sure where it comes from, but it's there.

Here are the meaningful lyrics to "You Must Love Me":

Where do we go from here?/ This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me/ I believed in you
Certainties disappear/ What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive/ As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing/ Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling/ Frightened you'll slip away
You must love me/ You must love me

Why are you at my side?/ How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how/ Nothing has changed

You must love me...

THE BEE GEES - "Stayin' Alive"

One more upbeat song to cheer everyone up today! With the power of strong coffee and The Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" we'll make it one step further. This song has always been one of my favorite 70s songs - they made some really fine tunes that decade, so much better than the s**t made these days...

I'm not sure if anyone did a cover of this song in my native language and frankly I do not want to hear it if someone did it. I have a feeling it would not be a matchmade in heaven, cos the Gibb brothers certainly have unique voices!

This song is catchy and fun, so loosen up, don't give a damn and enjoy it!

Here are the lyrics to "Stayin' Alive":

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk/ I'm a womans man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around/ Since I was born.
And now its all right. its ok/ And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand/ The new york times effect on man.

Whether youre a brother or whether youre a mother/ You're stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin and everybody shakin/ And were stayin alive, stayin alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive/ Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive.

Well now, I get low and I get high/ And if I cant get either, I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes/ I'm a dancin man and I just cant lose.
You know its all right. its ok/ I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand/ The new york times effect on man.

Whether youre a brother or whether youre a mother/ You're stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin and everybody shakin/ And were stayin alive, stayin alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive/ Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive.

Life going nowhere. somebody help me/ Somebody help me, yeah.
Life going nowhere. somebody help me/ Somebody help me, yeah. stayin alive.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk/ I'm a womans man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm/ I've been kicked around since I was born.
And now its all right. its ok/ And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand/ The new york times effect on man.

Whether youre a brother or whether youre a mother/ You're stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin and everybody shakin/ And were stayin alive, stayin alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive/ Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive.

Life going nowhere. somebody help me/ Somebody help me, yeah.
Life going nowhere. somebody help me, yeah/ I'm stayin alive.

GLORIA GAYNOR - "I Will Survive"

After the surviving theme last night, let's continue on that path today! This song is from the golden 70s when I was born - and I've most likely heard it all over and my mom has sung it just like any other hit. A Finnish singer Virve Rosti made a cover version of the song in my native language (video below) - and it became such a hit that it is simply impossible that you've missed it. She still needs to perform it. It's a classic cover.

Back then, they really knew how to make covers: they knew how to do the background different yet the same, they knew how to pick just the right artist to record them so that the original vibe and feel would not be lost. I really admire the people who did covers back then they knew how to do the same song in another language without ruining it. These days covers are done all the time but not much thought is paid to this. Original will always remain original, and cover will always remain cover. These days there seems to be a unwritten requirement to do a "different" version before a cover can be good.

Anyways, Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive" is simply loved by everyone. It is a gay anthem, as it tells a story about freeing one self and standing proud --- as well as it is an anthem to anyone who has been hurt in the game of love and who needs to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Let the new day begin - and let it begin with a smile and optimism. Muah to everyone! Enjoy and if you're alone (oh, even if you're not) just groove a bit okay?!! Life's too short to be all stuck up and pretentious. Remember it.

Here's the lyrics to "I Will Survive":

First I was afraid/ I was petrified/ Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But I spent so many nights/ thinking how you did me wrong/ I grew strong/ I learned how to carry on
And so you're back from outer space/ I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock/ I should have made you leave your key/ If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door/ Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye/ You think I'd crumble/ You think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I/ I will survive/ as long as i know how to love/ I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live/ I've got all my love to give/ and I'll survive/ I will survive

It took all the strength I had/ Not to fall apart/ Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights/ Just feeling sorry for myself/ I used to cry/ Now I hold my head up high
And you see me/ somebody new/ I'm not that chained up little person/ Still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in/ And just expect me to be free/ Now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

MARY J.BLIGE - "No More Drama"

Okay. I'm back, my friends. Today was not good but there was something that managed to cheer me up tonight and that was Mary J.Blige. I ended up watching a documentary (which I've been watching regularly for some time now) about the journey of black music. Tonight the final episode was aired and it featured Mary. Some of her life story was revealed (which I was not that familiar with - even though I've always thought she's a brilliant singer). Anyways, the documentary finished with her performance of "No More Drama". So, there I was, sitting in my couch after absolutely horrendeous day, feeling like shit. And then this beautiful soul begins to sing. I shivered, felt every word in my spine, felt every nuance in her voice. The pain and the realness.

There's been many moments like this in my life - just when I am at the absolute lowest, certain piece of art or one line someone says or some small intimate detail, a story, a clip in a great movie, anything, can turn the day around completely. And this live performance by Mary J.Blige was one of those key moments today - I was coming from a place with feelings of no hope and ended up in another place thinking "I can get up again, one more time, I can do it, enough of this drama".

Yes... Things still suck and no, it won't be easy. It's gonna be a battle but well... Who ever promised life was supposed to be easy? We tend to forget - or maybe I should say I tend to forget this at times. I have had more downs in my life than ups, and even though I am thankful for both cos they do build character, there are moments when I think that "have I gotten enough shit already? Why is this happening to me again? What do I need to learn from this? How much do I need to take?" And yes, then there comes days when I say to myself: "no more"... "i can't take it no more"... "i don't wanna experience this"... "i just wanna disappear"... even as far as "living is not worth the pain it brings"... Yes, very sad, dramatic, whatever. But it is real. Unlike some people I cannot block these thoughts and just pretend things are fine when they aren't. I am not good at faking the perfect "okay" smile when I do not feel like it. I admire people who are strong enough to smile through these moments and mean it, not fake it. To me, denying something, faking something is shallow and empty. And I may be alot of things, I can be all things human and sometimes beyond but never empty in terms of soul. Does that seem pompous to you? Do you feel that I am somehow placing myself above you? Then you are getting me wrong.

Everyone's got soul but the big question is are you living through it or are you hiding it? Are you being truthful about your feelings and your life, embracing yourself for what you are or playing a somebody else to accomodate other people? Do you know what are the most important things for you? I do. But it does not mean I have them. That... is what equals pain of existence. Despite of it, I will pull myself together, go through another day - at the same time loving it and hating it.

Tonight, I say "no more drama" and I mean it. I mean it till life beats the shit out of me again, until I find myself on the floor picking up the pieces of me or something that I loved. But tonight I choose no drama. I choose calmness. I choose strength. I choose life and I choose me.

Thank you Mary for giving me strength tonight. I dedicate this song to all of you out there: all who struggle and battle with the drama in their own life. Let's choose "no" for a change.

Here's the lyrics to "No More Drama":

So tired/ Tired of all this drama/ You go your way/ I go my way (no more, no more)/ I need to be free/ So tired/ Tired of all this drama/ Yeah

Broken heart again/ Another lesson learned/ Better know your friends/ Or else you will get burned
Gotta count on me/ Cuz I can guarantee that I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)/ No more pain (no more pain)/ No drama (no more drama in my life, no ones gonna make me hurt again)/ No more in my life

Why'd I play the fool/ Go through ups and downs/ Knowing all the time/ You wouldn’t be around/ Or maybe I liked the stress/ Cuz I was young and restless/ But that was long ago/ I don’t wanna cry no more

No more pain (no more pain, no more pain)/ No more game (no more games messing with my mind)/ No drama (no more drama in my life, no ones gonna make me hurt again, no more)/ No more in my life

No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of crying every night)/ No more fears (no more fears I really don’t wanna cry)/ No drama (no more drama in my life I don’t ever wanna hurt again)/ No more in my life

Wanna speak ma mind wanna speak ma mind

Hooh it feels so good/ When you let go/ Of all the drama in your life/ Now you're free from all the pain (free from all the pain)/ Free from all the games (free from all the games)/ Free from all the stress (free from all the stress)/ So find your happiness

I don’t know/ Only god knows where the story ends for me/ But I know where the story begins/ It’s up to us to choose/ Whether we win or lose/ And I choose to win/ Ohhhh...

No more pain (no more pain, no more pain, tired of crying)/ No more game (tired of your planning games with my mind)/ No drama (no more drama in my life)
No more in my life (no more)/ No more tears (No more tears, no more crying every night)/ No more fears (No more waking, be up in the morning)/ No drama (leave me alone, go ahead)/ No more in my life (hey yeah)

No more pain (no more)/ No more games (no more games, I’m tired, I’m so tired)/ No drama (No more)/ No more in my life/ No more

No more drama (I’m tired of all this drama)/ No more drama (go ahead, go ahead, you demons getting out of my face)/ No more drama (go get a my life, I'm about to lose my mind)/ No more drama (help me, help me sing)

No more drama (no more drama, no more, no more)/ No more drama (yeah)/ No more drama (no, no more)/ No more drama (help me sing, I need a piece of mine)/ No more drama (yeah all I need, hide but nicely I need to know that you are free)/ No more drama

Oh no, oh no/ No more, no more/ No more drama, no more drama/ In my, in my... life
So tired (I'm so tired)/ Tired of all this drama

BJÖRK - "I Play Dead"

I am having a bad day. The kind of day which makes you wanna scream, crawl into your bed and wish you did not have to get up ever again. So I guess it is only appropriate for me to post this song, "I Play Dead" by Björk. I admire her tremendously, she is original and authentic. Even if some of you might think she is "weird", I'll fight you on that and say it's irrelevant, because she is unique and real - unlike so many artists today. Being weird and being genious are not that far apart, they can also be the very same thing.

This song takes me back to Milan, Italy. I got my Master's degree there, in 2004. This song was part of a design project which I called "Contradictions". It was based on a very hard subject: my father's suicide (1993), the emotions it provoked in me, the whole ordeal of it. I dived very deep into the project, felt very passionate about it. It was a very hard project for me to do in all the ways possible; creatively, emotionally, personally, professionally. It was a confusing project, yet clarifying as well. So what if I made myself go through hell while doing it? I've never been familiar with easy. Sometimes it has been a blessing, sometimes it has been a curse. Today it feels like a curse, tomorrow - who knows?

"Contradictions" became one of the best projects I did that year and this song played in my final presentation. I did the project proposal for Italian fashion brand, Costume National. The head designer Ennio Capasa was present in the classroom that day and I was the first one to present. Afterwards he selected 5 works he liked best and my project was among them. When I went to the office the next day - or the same day, can't remember - the Director of Fashion Design at Domus Academy hailed me as "Super-Kimmo!". That day I did feel like Super-Kimmo. I had worked very hard and felt I earned the praise, especially when I had had epileptic seizures throughout the project (I had them the whole year through, more about that one later). "Contradictions" was the most rewarding project for me and I shall never forget it, nor will I forget the people who where there, supporting me through it.

But like most creative people, I don't always feel invincible. I get very up and then I get very down. I'm very hard on myself and people keep telling me I should take it easier. I agree, and in the next moment do not agree one bit. I can be tremendeously lazy and avoid doing anything or I can be hyper-energetic and work like a horse. It really depends on many things. But when I do get down, I truly get down and I just don't find the strength to do anything. And at that point, I don't give a shit about myself or anything else for that matter. I just want to shut everything out. When you're emotional/sensitive as well as passionate/strong, it is rather easy to fly from one extreme to the another and do it rather quickly. I accept the ups and downs of life, but feeling like shit is never really great, is it?

So today I feel angry, frustrated, sad and worried, plus I got irritated right after waking up which makes me a very unkind beast. Right now I feel like I've had enough. So, like the song says, I think I'm gonna play dead for a while...

Here are the lyrics to "I Play Dead":

Darling stop confusing me/ With your wishful thinking
Hopeful embraces/ Don't you understand?

I have to go through this/ I belong to here where
No-one cares and no-one loves
No light no air to live in/ A place called hate
The city of fear

I play dead/ It stops the hurting
I play dead/ And the hurting stops

It's sometimes just like sleeping/ Curling up inside my private tortures
I nestle into pain/ Hug suffering/ Caress every ache

I play dead/ It stops the hurting

PINK - "Get The Party Started"

Now there is a rather funny story to go along with this song (and perhaps a bit embarrasing too).
So, back we go...

Picture it. Helsinki, 2001. A handsome young man is spending his day making patterns for clothes in a design school, accompanied by nice and not so nice girls whom he both likes and hates. Haha. Okay, that was hilarious (for me)! I imitated Sophia from the Golden Girls who always started her stories with: "picture it, Sicily, 1920...". I just watched a few episodes of this show this weekend and I have to say, I laughed my head off.

Anyways, back to the topic. It is indeed 2001 and I am in a room making patterns with 11 other people, who are indeed all girls. So, we are just doing our work and we have the radio on. Then "Get The Party Started" by Pink starts. I listen to it for a while and after a few moments, I state almost "proudly" - like I've discovered something interesting no one else has picked up on. I say to the girls, "What kind of coming-out-of-the-closet song is this, "I'm coming out so you better get the party started?". A bit more "educated" girl from my class then points out that, "Kimmo, it's says "I'm coming UP... NOT out". Oops! Aahahahaha! So... I'm laughing through my embarrassement; and most likely promised never ever ever to make another similar quote before reading the lyrics first! Hahaha.

But my salvation is this: lots of people do this! They hear songs on the radio - even for as long as decades - never really knowing how the lyrics go. And they are perfectly happy singing all the wrong words. I'm not the only sucker when it comes to this song either, haha - when I searched in You Tube, there was people who had done the exact same mistake between "out" and "up". So - phew - I'm not alone, it's not just me.... though I may be the only one fool enough to admit it knowingly! Oh, whatta hell - who cares? It just adds another layer on the whole thing that I'm gay myself!

If I really think about it, I just might have reacted to the waiting in my own life... For my rotten boyfriend to come out to his mom and let me out of the shades finally - cos let's face it, everyone who's not totally detached from human emotions knows very well, it's a fucking shitty place to be in. You just don't exist at all in your lovers life and you have to remain only in the area he wants you to be. It makes you feel like a damn Zoo animal without a crowd to please! And well, being like a nightlamp which can be turned on and off whenever the other person chooses to do so is not a real relationship. It's something all together different. Such cowards...

Ok. That was beside the point. I get easily distracted. Sorry. Back to Pink. I simply love Pink. I may have not been absolutely crazy about her in the very beginning of her career (even if I owned some of her albums) but when I went to her concert in Helsinki, she totally won me over. She kicked ass! It was one of the best live shows ever. Pink is a brilliant performer, brilliant voice.

Here she is performing her hit at a concert (amazing performance from the show which I saw) and below are the lyrics to "Get The Party Started":

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

Get this party started on a Saturday night/ Everybody's waitin for me to arrive
Sendin' out the message to all of my friends/ We'll be lookin flashy in my Mercedes Benz
I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings/ I can go for miles if you know what I mean
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

Pumpin up the volume, breakin down to the beat/ Cruisin' through the west side
We'll be checkin' the scene/ Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast
I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my ass/ Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car
License plate says Stunner #1 Superstar
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ Get this party started

Makin my connection as I enter the room/ Everybody's chillin as I set up the groove
Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat/ Everybody's dancin and their dancin for me
I'm your operator, you can call anytime/ I'll be your connection to the party line
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started/ I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
Get this party started/ Get this party started right now/ Get this party started/ Get this party started/ Get this party started right now

BILLY IDOL - "Cradle of Love"

The darkhaired guy in this video is so gay, haha! Never thought of it like that when it came out - but well, the signs are there. =) I have to say I haven't been a Billy Idol fan, I was among the people who laughed at him in the mid-80s. He just seemed like a little boy with an oversized sexdrive and funny clothing. Haha. However, said that: when approaching the 90s he was pretty hot, he did not look so ridicilous and he was more masculine. I have to say I did dig him then. I've never owned any album of his though.

I did like this song, the video was funny and the whole thing was passionate, which was to my liking of course. This was around the time I discovered I was gay, so not much attention was paid to the girl dancing and rolling in her lingerie - I was more interested in Billy's chest, that twitching lip and he perfectly sculptured jaw. Come to think of it, maybe Billy was one of the very first male performers I thought was handsome. Not really interested in the pretty pretty boys like Tom Cruise - to me he's never been sexy, he is just too 'something', not hot. Too boyish for my taste. So, Billy had the roughness I was drawn to. No damn pussymen for me thanks! I wanted men to have some balls, okay (baby, that has not changed, ahahaha)?!!

So short and sweet, this is how Billy and the 'cradle' attaches themselves to my life. This is a great Friday song, so enjoy and make a hassle! Shake that cradle! =)

Here's the lyrics to "Cradle of Love":

Well rock the cradle of love/ Rock the cradle of love/ Yes the cradle of love don't rock easily its true
Well rock the cradle of love/ I rocked the cradle of love/ Yes the cradle of love don't rock easily it's true

Well now /It burned like a ball of fire/ When the rebel took a little child bride/ To tease yeah so go easy yeah
Cause love cuts a million ways/ Shakes the devil when he misbehaves/ I ain't nobodys fool
Come on shake it up/ Whatever I do

Rock the cradle of love/ Rock the cradle of love/ Yes the cradle of love don't rock easily its true
Sent from heaven above thats right/ To rob the cradle of love/ Yes the pages of don't talk decently it's true

Yeah flesh for your romeo/ Ah yeah baby/ I hear you moan/ It's easy you know how to please me yeah
This love starts my rollin' train/ You cant stop it/ It ain't in vain/ I ain't nobodys fool
Come on shake it up/ Whatever you do

These are the wages of love/ Rock the cradle of love/ These are the wages of love/ Ooh yeah
Rock the cradle/ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Well it burned like a ball of fire/ When the rebel took a little child bride/ To tease yeah I know how to please you yeah
Well my love starts a rollin' train/ You cant stop it/ It ain't in vain/ I ain't nobodys fool
Come on shake it up/ Whatever I do

Rock the cradle of love/ Rock the cradle of love/ Sent from heaven above/ That's right
To rock the cradle of love/ Rock the cradle of love/ Yeah cradle of love/ That's me mama
I robbed the devil of love/ All right

Cradle of love/ If you teaze me tonight/ If you sleaze me all right/ If you appeaze me tonight
And let me ease you/ Cradle of love

GLORIA ESTEFAN - "Here We Are"

Here's something you didn't know.

When I was younger I had to endure a lot of migren type of headaches. I believe they were most likely stress related and I used to have them a lot - daily would be the right word. These days I only get them occasionally. Okay, now you may wonder what's so interesting about this? Well, nothing and everything - in a way it's even funny. There was nothing funny about the headaches, they were bad and they could last one full day. I could never sleep them off cos they got worse that way. All I could basically do was to sit in a chair, keep my posture intact and yet try to relax my shoulders, mind and body. Not really an easy thing to do.

I'm have my lazy moments but more commonly I fall into the category of people who cannot stay still very long. Even if I ain't doing much, I still cannot stay put. I need to be entertained. But when these damn migrens hit me, I couldn't move (and still can't). It was pure agony for me. I couldn't even read a book or watch tv cos those would irritate my eyes. And I couldn't listen to music because the bass would irritate my ears. You have to remember that I had to stay like this for hours: sometimes I'd get a headache early in the morning and the whole day went by while I sat in the chair. When I finally lost the headache close to midnight, it was time for bed. So, it was never just a quick fifteen minutes, it was a long time.

Understandably, I got really bored while sitting and waiting for the headache to pass. It was not good to get irritated over it cos that only fueled it. I needed to relax myself and this is how I did it: I sang songs 'acapella'. That was the only thing I could do without moving.

Mostly Gloria Estefan's music served the purpose! I've liked her since the 80s. She's a great songwriter and lyricist - along with an admirable and courageous person. I love how she uses her voice and the melodies of her songs are simple yet beautiful. I also loved latin influences and she had that too. "Cuts Both Ways" album was in "heavy rotation" when I had headaches. I remembered all the lyrics without notes and I sang the songs one by one, time after time and drifted into another place. It soothed the pounding pain in my head. Singing (alongside with a pill) became the fastest route to get rid of my migrens so believe me, I took it regularly. I still do this sometimes when I get a really persistent headache. *For the record, I envy people who have never ever ever suffered one single headache. I'd gladly give this experience away so they would know how it feels like!

"Here we are" was one of the songs by Gloria, which I used to sing the most. I want to give a big hand to Gloria for helping me recover from numerous amounts of migrens! Thank you! Without your albums I would have been in huge trouble!!!

Here are the lyrics to "Here We Are":

Here we are/ Face to face/ We forget, time and place
Hold me now/ Dont let go/ Though it hurts and we both know
The time we spend togethers gonna fly/ And everything you do to me/ Is gonna feel so right
Baby when youre loving me/ I feel like I could cry cause theres nothing I can do
To keep from loving you

Here we are/ All alone/ Trembling hearts, beating strong
Reaching out, a breathless kiss/ I never thought could feel like this
I want to stop the time from passing by/ I wanna close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine
Baby when youre close to me/ I want you more each time/ And theres nothing I can do, to keep from loving you

(bridge)
Theres nothing I can do/ I'm helpless in your arms/ Oh baby what you do/ I'm in love, this is it
Theres no turning back this time/ No no no

Here we are/ Once again/ But this time were only friends
Funny world/ Sometimes lies/ Become the game, when loves the prize
And though no one knows whats going on inside/ And all the love I feel for you
Is something I should hide
When I have you close to me/ The feelings so sublime/ That theres nothing I can do
To keep from loving you
No, no, no, cant keep from loving you baby no, no, no

JANET & MICHAEL - "Scream"

Let's fast-forward to the nineties for a while! Time to "Scream" with Janet & Michael Jackson. I've always loved Janet and you will hear more of her later. I've also loved his brother's music. I will not comment on the accusations made against him. I have my opinion but it doesn't really belong here.

All of us feel like screaming sometimes. And one very dear to me, feels this way about right now. I feel the same way, because of what happened to her. Sometimes we just wanna scream and put things and people to pieces for how they've treated, how they've hurt and abused us. But in the end, if we would start doing that each time it happens - we'd have a long list ahead and no time to do anything else. So, in the end we need to take a deep breath and ask ourselves if it's worth it. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. People who get abused and hurt the most, usually trust people a bit more, they really believe in the goodness, unselfishness, frankness, integrity and above all, honesty of other people.

This may be a pessimistic view, but what I've experienced in my life is that, not that many people can be trusted. And not that many people will go the extra mile for you. Not that many people care. Mostly people do things to gain something in return, they focus on themselves, their needs. Like "having it all" is something great and worth fighting for in the expense of everything else. There is a price to everything in life - and it seems that to some people even loving is a sacrifice. Those are the saddest people 'cos they aren't learning the most important lesson of life. The essence of everything is love.

I plead you to think about those who try to make it easier for you, who try to protect you, who love you and give themselves to you - who stick around even when things aren't perfect and don't go your way. The ones that help you to pick up the pieces - they are the ones that really love you. To them, you don't need to scream, you can just whisper and they'll hear you.

I dedicate this video to all the people who has ever experienced real heartache, hardship, betrayal caused by someone they trusted, no matter if it's a system or a person. I especially dedicate it to my dear friend who is down, angry and struggling at the moment. I want to remind you all that there are still those who truly care and with their help, you will make it. No matter how many times you have to climb that mountain back up, you will make it. Peace and love.

Here are the lyrics to "Scream":

Tired of injustice/ Tired of the schemes/ The lies are disgusting/ So what does it mean
Kicking me down/ I got to get up/ As jacked as it sounds/ The whole system sucks
Peek in the shadow/ Come into the light/ You tell me I’m wrong/ Then you better prove you’re right
You’re sellin’ out souls but/ I care about mine/ I’ve got to get stronger/ And I won’t give up the fight

With such confusions don’t it make you wanna scream/ Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme
You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize/ Somebody please have mercy ’cause I just can’t take it

Stop pressurin’ me/ Just stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ me/ Make me wanna scream
Stop pressurin’ me/ Just stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ me/ Make you just wanna scream

Tired of you tellin’ the story your way/ It’s causin’ confusion/ You think it’s okay
You keep changin’ the rules/ While I keep playin’ the game/ I can’t take it much longer/ I think I might go insane

With such confusion don’t it make you wanna scream/ Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme
You find your pleasure scandalizin’ every lie/ Oh father, please have mercy ’cause I just can’t take it

Stop pressurin’ me/ Just stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ me/ Make me wanna scream
Stop pressurin’ me/ Just stop pressurin’ me/ Stop fuckin’ with me/ Make me wanna scream

Oh my god, can’t believe what I saw/ As I turned on the tv this evening/ I was disgusted by all the injustice
All the injustice/ all the injustice"

Spoken:
"a man has been brutally beaten to death by police after being wrongly identified as a robbery suspect. the man was an 18 year old black male..."

With such collusions don’t it make you wanna scream/ Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme
You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize/ Oh brother please have mercy’cause I just can’t take it

Stop pressurin’ mejust stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ memake me wanna scream
Stop pressurin’ mejust stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ memake me wanna scream
Stop pressurin’ mejust stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ memake me wanna scream
Stop pressurin’ mejust stop pressurin’ me/ Stop pressurin’ memake me wanna scream

ARMI & DANNY - "I Wanna Love You Tender"

Okay, after that sad post, we need a laugh right? Well, here we go!

This video is widely described as "the worst music video of all time". It is a video made for a song "I Wanna Love You Tender" - which is an English version of a Finnish hit song "Tahdon olla sulle hyvin hellä". Both songs are performed by a 70s singing sensation (ahahaha) Armi & Danny. This video is hilarious with it's amateurish tricks, funny dance moves and choreography. The not so good pronounciation of English is no great addition to the package either. It is no wonder this has been ridiculed and co-sidedly, a source for enormous amount of joy over the many years. It has also produced parodies, some of them here on You Tube as well.

Danny still performs, he is like the Finnish version to Elvis - the slim and the fat version - though he is a wonderful person and a true professional. Armi had a sad ending - she passed away in the beginning of the millennium. Despite their now amazingly funny performances, Armi was a wonderful generous kind person and may her soul rest in peace. She gave a lot of joy while living and it seems that the nostalgic songs she done with Danny back in the 70s are still spreading the word of love and laughter. And being tender! So remember to smile and hug the ones you love. If no one is around - give yourself a hug. You've deserved it.

As how this connects with my life: I can remember my mom singing the Finnish version of the song --- many times --- to the point of aggravation... No! Haha! Her singing never irritated me... well, that is: unless I was really trying to listen to the singer and her voice would cover it up completely! Haha! So, I give you "the thinner cream of the 70s, the amazing cinematography, the colourful costume design, graceful dance movements and maticulous lip synching": Armi & Danny, I wanna love you tender! =)

I also have to say in my parents defense, that when I started singing my favorite music, meaning English pop and rock, they never denied me. I know I was loud - I had a microphone - and I sang on top of my favorite records. They endured it without any negative remarks - ever. It is rather amazing when I think about it. I can't remember even one time that they would have said "shut up" or "can you turn that down?" or anything like that. So, thanks mom and dad for letting me sing! And you can rest assure, now my neighbours are being tormented just like you were. Aren't they lucky? Ahahahahahahah!

Here are the lyrics (in case you feel the urge to sing on top of the original, haha):

I love you, I wanna love you tender/ You could be my only sweet surrender/
I would never bring you any kind of sorrow
You love me, you wanna love me tender/ How can I be sure you're not pretender?
You want me today, but what about tomorrow?

Oh, you're absolutely fine, your lips are taste of wine/ I'd like to think you're mine.
And if I could touch your hand/ this rock would turn to sand, so this is where we stand.

You love me, you wanna love me tender/ How can I be sure you're not pretender?
You want me today, but what about tomorrow?

I love you, I wanna love you tender/ I just want to be your loving fender.
I would like to take you; I know I can't deceive you.
I love you, I do can be so tender/ I can be your only sweet surrender,
And if you give your heart, I'll never ever leave you.

Oh, you're absolutely fine, your lips are taste of wine/ I'd like to think you're mine.
And if I could touch your hand, this rock would turn to sand, so this is where we stand.

If we all say 'Wanna love you tender'/ No-one has to be a great pretender.
And this world would be/ a better place to live in.

MEL & KIM - "More Than Words Can Say"

My teenage years were very turmoil, as you may have guessed from the short reference I made in the previous post. It does not excuse any of my behaviour at the time by any means, but it does explain it. My father was a day to day alcoholic. I lived in a "war zone" and every day was paved with fear. It didn't stop even when I left home. I was one of those kids who was constantly picked on and bullied. I think the kids just sense that certain sensitivity which they then take advantage of. Kids are cruel. So once I left behind the hell I had to deal with at home, I had to face another hell at school or where ever I went. I was bullied from my 5th to my 9th grade, pretty much every single day. My father became an alcoholic in 1985 (though he drank way before that) and he got even worse over the next ten years.

As usual, I did not save words when it came to my pain at the time, I was very blunt about it: I had a big poster on my wall, on it I had written a poem (one of the very first, this is the time I started to channel my emotions to writing). The poem had one highlighted line surrounded by flames and it said "my life is hell". The friends I hung out at the time knew what went on but we never talked about it - some of them stopped visiting because of my father's behaviour. It was embarrasing. It made me mad. It made me a rebel and when life didn't really feel so full of love, I turned to wrong people for attention. This is where the boy next door comes in, who had the habit of snatching vinyl records under his jacket. He wasn't my friend really: he picked on me too, he was like the wind, forever turning - all people were, and I couldn't really trust on anyone to like me for who I was. So I even went along with stealing to get some respect. I do regret it and pray for God's forgiveness on that. I didn't steal big things but none of that is good. It is not the way to go. Luckily for me, I found music, writing, drawing and painting.

On top of all these things, I was starting to discover I was gay. I didn't really even know what it meant. I tried to fall in love with a girl, none of them were interested in me that way - they just wanted to be friends. Then I started having thoughts about guys and realised I could never feel romantic love towards a girl. I was again different - and I had no one to tell it to. It was a lonely, sad time in my life and music was the only thing that kept me going to be quite honest.

I'm not saying my parents were assholes, they weren't - our family just had more shit coming to us than most and people were more emotionally cripled to handle it all.

My memory of this song (which is one my all time favorites by the 80s duo, Mel & Kim) is that I'm sitting at the edge of my bed listening to it, holding the album cover, sun is flickering through the curtains and I'm crying. Crying cos I'm confused, crying cos I don't know what's wrong with me - why no girl isn't interested in me, crying for not having any real friends, crying cos my father is making my life a living hell, crying simply cos I couldn't understand why life needed to be so damn difficult. I remember sometimes praying as I listened to this song, wishing it all would just end. I just remember feeling really small and meaningless... And I would do this often cos I felt bad often - this song was the one and only release song for me at the time. I remember doing this even just before my only (so-called) friends were about to come - they never knew how bad I felt deep inside. No one did. There was an extra layer here as well: these friends, a boy and a girl who shall remain anonymous, fell in love with each other and cuddled at my place - the girl started dating him (my best friend) right after the she rejected me. I was a real masochist, allowing them to come over and do their thing even so, but I guess I was grateful for having these two who did not pick on me, plus I needed a break from my other hells nightmares. All this must sound pretty pathetic to you, but you have to remember I was a very confused teenager with no one to turn to. I felt ashamed and abandoned in all ways imaginable - no matter how hard I tried to pretend I didn't. But I learned to hide my pain. Instead I presented my anger - I guess that was like a wall I put up, simply to protect myself as much as I could.

Despite the fact that this song brings back painful memories, I want to go through this in my mind and play it for you. Simply because it is perhaps one of the most meaningful songs of my whole life. It holds in the pain I carried within my heart for years - and still carry to some degree. Those things which hurt you the most, never really leave. They are the things that either make you or break you. To me, like to so many other people, they did both - they certainly made me... they made me struggle to survive, to find a way to channel it all out in the most non-destructive way possible, but they also broke me in more ways than one. I can still see reflections of those times in my behaviour after two decades. I've overcome the worst and dealt with the issues through my various creative skills but you can't milk it out completely. Some things cannot be undone. But, that's life folks - no one ever said it would be easy! And I'm a survivor dammit!

Here are the lyrics to "More Than Words Can Say":

Took a look to the future/ Thought I could see love slippin' away/ And I just couldn't take it
But I never forget you/ I couldn't get by another day/ And I just wouldn't make it
Could I tell ya how much I need you/ How ever far away, yeah-eah
Could I tell ya how much I miss you/ So much more than words can say/ I love you more than words can say

Took a look in my mirror/ Thought I could see love fading away/ And I just couldn't face it
And I dreamt that you left me/ Takin' away the light from my day/ And I couldn't replace it
Could I tell ya how much I need you/ How ever far away, yeah-eah
Could I tell ya how much I miss you/ So much more than words can say

It can take a long time to realise that your mine/ But you can be a fool forever/ You're not forever, you're not forever/ Woh-oh

Took a look to the future/ Thought I could see love slippin' away/ And I just couldn't take it
Could I tell ya how much I need you/ How ever far away, yeah-eah
Could I tell ya how much I miss you/ So much more than words can say
Could I tell ya how much I need you/ How ever far away, yeah-eah
Could I tell ya how much I miss you/ So much more than words can say
Could I tell ya how much I need you/ How ever far away, yeah-eah
Could I tell you how much I miss you...

DIRTY DANCING - "Various Songs"

Patrick Swayze: She's Like The Wind

Around the time I had been listening to the sexy ladies (haha) I went to the movies every week without a flaw, sometimes several times week. My life at home was not going so great and I guess it was an escape for me - I could sit in the dark, absorb a ficticious story and forget the problems and confusion of my own life.

Then came one night... I had decided to go and see an action/adventure movie but as the first beats of the theme song hit the speakers and the movie started, I realized I had made an error and come to see a totally different movie. I contemplated if I'd stay or go. I figured they would not give me the money back anymore, and the alternative was to go home, so I decided to sit it through. It turned out this particular movie combined the two things I loved and still love very much: music and dancing. One time I had a dream of becoming a professional dancer - that was before I was in a car crash and everything changed for me.

I love the rhythms of mambo, cha-cha and the likes, and the joy of moving to the music was heaven. Singing did the same for me. I have to admit I don't dance that much these days - I think I may have gotten a bit rusty, haha!

Anyways, this movie I went to see by a mistake was Dirty Dancing. I loved the music, the passionate dancing, those were the best parts of it. The movie starred Jennifer Grey and - tadaa! - Patrick Swayze. Okay, so this guy was like ten times hotter than all the chicks I had digged before! So he replaced the Sams and Sabs in a blink of an eye... For a while I had a bit of a crush for Patrick. So, I bought both soundtracks right away and I remember dancing to them around the house a lot! This older type of music represented something different, interesting, soulful to me - it was something completely opposite when compared to the songs on the charts at the time. I loved all the songs on the soundtrack cos they were fun, energetic, and sometimes sad. I felt moved by both, the music and the movie.

The first video on this post is Patrick Swayze's "She's Like The Wind", which is a beautiful ballad and has an interesting line "just a fool to believe, I have anything she needs" - at the time, I was trying to convince myself that I could still love a girl in a romantic way. The other two songs are here to present the beats and the dance which I adored - as well as reflect the feel of the movie as I remember it: honest, daring, passionate, brave, tragic, happy, sad. I think this movie included all my contradictions and ideals - and the though of life being fragile. The song lyrics hold in what I felt (and still feel) in my soul in many respects. I hope you like them, even if you don't go nuts over them!

Solomon Burke: Cry To Me


The Contours: Do You Love Me

Lyrics to "She's Like The Wind":

She's like the wind through my tree/ She rides the night next to me
She leads me through moonlight/ Only to burn me with the sun
She's taken my heart/ But she doesn't know what she's done
Feel her breath on my face/ Her body close to me Can't look in her eyes/ She's out of my league/ Just a fool to believe/ I have anything she needs/ She's like the wind

I look in the mirror and all I see/ Is a young old man with only a dream
Am I just fooling myself/ That she'll stop the pain/ Living without her/ I'd go insane
Feel her breath on my face/ Her body close to me/ Can't look in her eyes/ She's out of my league/ Just a fool to believe/ I have anything she needs/ She's like the wind
Feel your breath on my face/ Your body close to me/ Can't look in your eyes
You're out of my league/ Just a fool to believe (Just a fool to believe)
She's like the wind (Just a fool to believe)
Just a fool to believe (She's like the wind)
Just a fool to believe (Just a fool to believe)
She's like the wind (Just a fool to believe)
Just a fool to believe/ She's like the wind
(Just a fool...)/(She's like the wind)/(She's like the wind)
(Just a fool...)/(She's like the wind)/(Just a fool...)

Lyrics to "Cry To Me":

When your baby leaves you all alone/ And nobody calls you on the phone
Ah, don't you feel like crying?/ Don't you feel like crying?
Well here I am my honey/ Oh, come on you cry to me.
When you're all alone in your lonely room/ And there's nothing but the smell of her perfume/ Ah don't you feel like crying/ Don't you feel like crying?
Ah don't you feel like crying?/ Come on, come on cry to me.

Well nothing could be sadder/ Than a glass of wine, all alone
Loneliness, loneliness, it's such a waste of time/ Oh-oh yeah
You don't ever have to walk alone, oh you see/ Oh come on, take my hand and baby won't you walk with me?/ Oh ya

When you're waiting for a voice to come/ In the night and there is no one
Ah don't you feel like crying? (cry to me)
Don't you feel like crying? (cry to me)
Ah don't you feel like a-ca-ca-cra-co-cra-co-cra-cra, (cry to me)
Cra-co-cra-co-cra-cra crying? (cry to me)
Ah don't you feel like a-cra-co-cra-co-cra-cra, Cra-co-cra-co-cra-cra crying?...

Lyrics to "Do You Love Me":

You broke my heart 'cause I couldn't dance/ You didn't even want me around
And now I'm back, to let you know/ I can really shake 'em down
Do you love me? (I can really move)/ Do you love me? (I'm in the groove)
Ah do you love? (Do you love me)/ Now that I can dance (dance)
Watch me now, oh (work, work)/ Ah, work it all baby (work, work)
Well, you're drivin' me crazy (work, work)/ With a little bit of soul now (work)

I can mash-potatoe (I can mash-potatoe)/And I can do the twist (I can do the twist)
Now tell me baby (tell me baby)/Mmm, do you like it like this (do you like it like this) Tell me (tell me)/ Tell me
Do you love me? (Do you love me)/ Now, do you love me? (Do you love me)
Now, do you love me? (Do you love me)/ Now that I can dance (dance)
Watch me now, oh (work, work)/ Ah, shake it up, shake it (work, work)
Ah, shake 'em, shake 'em down (work, work)/ Ah, little bit of soul now (work)
(work, work)
Ah, shake it, shake it baby (work, work)/Ah, you're driving me crazy (work, work)
Ah, don't get lazy (work)

I can mash-potatoe (I can mash-potatoe)/ And I can do the twist (I can do the twist)
Well now tell me baby (tell me baby)/ Mmm, do you like it like this (do you like it like this)Tell me (tell me)/ Tell me
Do you love me? (Do you love me?)/ Now, do you love me? (Do you love me?)
Now, do you love me? (Do you love me?)/(Now, now, now)/(work, work)
Ah, I'm working hard baby (work, work)/ Well, you're driving me crazy (work, work)
And don't you get lazy (work)/(work, work)
Ah, hey hey baby (work, work)/ Well, you're driving me crazy (work, work)
And don't you get lazy (work)