I am having a bad day. The kind of day which makes you wanna scream, crawl into your bed and wish you did not have to get up ever again. So I guess it is only appropriate for me to post this song, "I Play Dead" by Björk. I admire her tremendously, she is original and authentic. Even if some of you might think she is "weird", I'll fight you on that and say it's irrelevant, because she is unique and real - unlike so many artists today. Being weird and being genious are not that far apart, they can also be the very same thing.
This song takes me back to Milan, Italy. I got my Master's degree there, in 2004. This song was part of a design project which I called "Contradictions". It was based on a very hard subject: my father's suicide (1993), the emotions it provoked in me, the whole ordeal of it. I dived very deep into the project, felt very passionate about it. It was a very hard project for me to do in all the ways possible; creatively, emotionally, personally, professionally. It was a confusing project, yet clarifying as well. So what if I made myself go through hell while doing it? I've never been familiar with easy. Sometimes it has been a blessing, sometimes it has been a curse. Today it feels like a curse, tomorrow - who knows?
"Contradictions" became one of the best projects I did that year and this song played in my final presentation. I did the project proposal for Italian fashion brand, Costume National. The head designer Ennio Capasa was present in the classroom that day and I was the first one to present. Afterwards he selected 5 works he liked best and my project was among them. When I went to the office the next day - or the same day, can't remember - the Director of Fashion Design at Domus Academy hailed me as "Super-Kimmo!". That day I did feel like Super-Kimmo. I had worked very hard and felt I earned the praise, especially when I had had epileptic seizures throughout the project (I had them the whole year through, more about that one later). "Contradictions" was the most rewarding project for me and I shall never forget it, nor will I forget the people who where there, supporting me through it.
But like most creative people, I don't always feel invincible. I get very up and then I get very down. I'm very hard on myself and people keep telling me I should take it easier. I agree, and in the next moment do not agree one bit. I can be tremendeously lazy and avoid doing anything or I can be hyper-energetic and work like a horse. It really depends on many things. But when I do get down, I truly get down and I just don't find the strength to do anything. And at that point, I don't give a shit about myself or anything else for that matter. I just want to shut everything out. When you're emotional/sensitive as well as passionate/strong, it is rather easy to fly from one extreme to the another and do it rather quickly. I accept the ups and downs of life, but feeling like shit is never really great, is it?
So today I feel angry, frustrated, sad and worried, plus I got irritated right after waking up which makes me a very unkind beast. Right now I feel like I've had enough. So, like the song says, I think I'm gonna play dead for a while...
This song takes me back to Milan, Italy. I got my Master's degree there, in 2004. This song was part of a design project which I called "Contradictions". It was based on a very hard subject: my father's suicide (1993), the emotions it provoked in me, the whole ordeal of it. I dived very deep into the project, felt very passionate about it. It was a very hard project for me to do in all the ways possible; creatively, emotionally, personally, professionally. It was a confusing project, yet clarifying as well. So what if I made myself go through hell while doing it? I've never been familiar with easy. Sometimes it has been a blessing, sometimes it has been a curse. Today it feels like a curse, tomorrow - who knows?
"Contradictions" became one of the best projects I did that year and this song played in my final presentation. I did the project proposal for Italian fashion brand, Costume National. The head designer Ennio Capasa was present in the classroom that day and I was the first one to present. Afterwards he selected 5 works he liked best and my project was among them. When I went to the office the next day - or the same day, can't remember - the Director of Fashion Design at Domus Academy hailed me as "Super-Kimmo!". That day I did feel like Super-Kimmo. I had worked very hard and felt I earned the praise, especially when I had had epileptic seizures throughout the project (I had them the whole year through, more about that one later). "Contradictions" was the most rewarding project for me and I shall never forget it, nor will I forget the people who where there, supporting me through it.
But like most creative people, I don't always feel invincible. I get very up and then I get very down. I'm very hard on myself and people keep telling me I should take it easier. I agree, and in the next moment do not agree one bit. I can be tremendeously lazy and avoid doing anything or I can be hyper-energetic and work like a horse. It really depends on many things. But when I do get down, I truly get down and I just don't find the strength to do anything. And at that point, I don't give a shit about myself or anything else for that matter. I just want to shut everything out. When you're emotional/sensitive as well as passionate/strong, it is rather easy to fly from one extreme to the another and do it rather quickly. I accept the ups and downs of life, but feeling like shit is never really great, is it?
So today I feel angry, frustrated, sad and worried, plus I got irritated right after waking up which makes me a very unkind beast. Right now I feel like I've had enough. So, like the song says, I think I'm gonna play dead for a while...
Here are the lyrics to "I Play Dead":
Darling stop confusing me/ With your wishful thinking
Hopeful embraces/ Don't you understand?
I have to go through this/ I belong to here where
No-one cares and no-one loves
No light no air to live in/ A place called hate
The city of fear
I play dead/ It stops the hurting
I play dead/ And the hurting stops
It's sometimes just like sleeping/ Curling up inside my private tortures
I nestle into pain/ Hug suffering/ Caress every ache
I play dead/ It stops the hurting
No comments:
Post a Comment